What to Do with Wet Hands
Jess: Aah! Your hands are COLD! Scott: Are they? I hadn't noticed. Jess: Well... they're wet, at least. Scott: Ah. Okay. Want to join them? -Pickup lines that only work on someone you're already dating
View ArticleIn Defense of My Blowjob
Jess: It's not that I don't enjoy giving you head, it's just that you never get off from a straight blowjob. You always need something else. I could be down there for an hour and you still wouldn't get...
View ArticleOne Rape Quitter
Jess: You suck. Scott: What? Why? Jess: Because you're not available tomorrow. It's a good thing I totally raped you today. -When one's just not enough
View ArticleSemen Diet
Jess: I'm sorry, but "cock" is not part of a nutritionally balanced diet. Scott: No, but what comes out of it probably is. -On healthy endings
View ArticleSmack My Bitch Up
Jess: Dude, seriously, I would punch you in the face if I didn't know that you actually LIKE getting smacked around. James: You remembered that about me? I'm touched. Jess: Not lately. -Saying no to...
View ArticleMarijuana Paranoia
Keith: Dude are you smoked up? PJ: Shhhhh. Keith: Why, everyone can tell... PJ: No they can't, that's just my paranoia. -On the mind talking
View ArticleTwo Boobs, Two Eyes
Karly: Stop staring at her boobs you asshole. Lisa: Hey, I can't help it. Two eyes, two boobs, coincidence? I think not. -Lisa, checking out other girls at a bar
View ArticleStraight to the Bedroom
Becca: Are you drunk? John: I got a bed in my room. -Starting off a first conversation after a few beers
View ArticleMom Suspects Drug Use
Charlie's Mom: Where's your sister? Charlie: Up....over...there.....in the....thing. Charlie's Mom: What's wrong with you, did you take something? Charlie: No it's okay, I'm...impersonating a bomb....
View ArticleNaked Wrestling Referee
Kent: Joe... why the hell aren't you wearing any pants?!? Joe: BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE REF IN PANTS, STUPID! -Joe, hammered, reffing a drunken wrestling match
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